The Taste is Gonna Move You!

I must not be feeling well because I went to the West Valley Wal-Mart two days in a row during lunch. Anyone who has been to this particular Wal-Mart, or really any Wal-Mart for that matter, knows how painfully slow checking-out is. While standing in the never-ending line today I decided to inspect all the different types of gum at the stand and one caught my eye.

Juicy Fruit.

I instantly remembered the smell and the taste (the whole 3 seconds that it lasts) and had to have it.   I couldn't leave the store without it.  I have no idea why Juicy Fruit makes me happy Something good must have happened while chewing it.

The jingle got in my head and I was singing it all afternoon.  Enjoy.

Deee-troit Basket-baaall

At last year's Pistons vs. Jazz game Lindsay was my backup so I felt like I could cheer for the opposing team in a crowd full of crazy Jazz fans. This year I was on my own. And since the people surrounding us looked a little suspect, I decided it wasn't in my best interest to show my true colors. I just cheered on the inside and clapped the tiniest claps you've ever seen. I'm not sure where my Pistons went wrong, but it did not end well for them.

Bonus of the night: I saw a 98 year old man shake what his mama gave him to "Sexy Back" and a 91 year old woman do the splits. I couldn't make that crap up.

Idol Thoughts

Two things...

1. How adorable is David Archuleta? I think he really is humble and sincere, unlike Melinda Dolittle last season. Oh, and the boy can sing!

2. What's up with Simon's thumb to the temple thing? It's like his giving himself one moose antler.

Hindsight

This weekend I spent a little time in the Land of the Cougars.  A lot of things in my life feel up in the air right now and being back there brought back a lot of memories from the last 7 1/2 years.

Before graduating I did an internship at the mall and have been thinking a lot lately about an amazing woman I worked with there. Her name is Peggy (I sometimes liked to call her Lil' Peggs). She is an older woman who has worked at customer service part-time since her husband passed away. She is the most genuinely good person I've ever met - always smiling and always positive. She truly did love me and being far away from home at a confusing time in my life, her caring for me was a blessing. She invited me over for dinner, sometimes drove me home from work so I wouldn't have to take the bus, and taught me how to make the most delicious fudge you'll ever taste.

So when Annie and I decided to have lunch at the mall on Saturday, I was hoping I would find Lil' Peggs there. I did and I hadn't realized how much I've missed her. She gave me a big hug and told me how much she thinks about me and hopes that I'm happy. Those are never a bad things to hear.

I was only out in the mall for 15 minutes and ran into another old friend. He was in line in the food court and I almost walked right past him before he was able to get my attention. We worked for BYU's Sport & Dance camps one summer (which was more fun than I gave it credit for) and I hadn't seen him in a couple years.

There is a point to this sappy post, which is this: I know I always knock on Utah, but the truth is I really have had a lot of fun, made great friends and learned a lot about who I am while I've been here.  Utah's not so bad.

Oh Boy

We all know how easily I become obsessed with things.  What she said.

Relationships Are About Give and Take

Dear Internet,

I know that you feel like you have all the power in this relationship because, well, I can't live without you, but do you have to exert that power daily?  I get it.  I recognize and fully admit that you have the upper hand.  Now could you please stop torturing me and work for more than five minutes every other day?

Love,

Stephanie

Unaware

Did anyone else notice the giant picture of me with my MacBook at the bottom of my blog?  How long was that there?

I Dedicate This Post to Drugs.

Oh boy. Do I have a story for you! I'll try to put the experience into words, but I know there is no way I can do it justice.

I have three words for you: Har Mar Superstar. I'm sure they mean nothing to you. In fact, they meant nothing to me - until last night. But today those three words mean "I don't know what just happened."

Last night Emily, Chelsea and I went to the Sia show at the Avalon Theater and Har Mar Superstar was one of her opening acts. One of the first things he said to us was, "We're going to blow your mind. In ways you don't even realize." He was not joking. My mind was blown (not in a good way) and I'm still trying to figure out what happened.

Let me outline a few details in an attempt to help you understand the experience.

• He is the spitting image of Ron Jeremy. Gross.
• He was wearing silver shoes (with velcro), white pants that were too tight, several shirts and a vest with fringe.
• He did a move that I've only seen break dancers do.
  
• He did a booty shake Shakira-style too many times to count.
• He busted out a body roll too many times to count.
• He ran is hands through his long, curly, sweaty hair like a model posing for the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue.
• He removed an article of clothing every three or four songs.
• He said the words, "I dedicate this song to drugs."
• He danced with a stuffed snake multiple times.
• He plucked and sprinkled.
• By the end of his show he was in his underwear, socks and silver velcro shoes only.

For a full 30 minutes my mouth hung wide open in shock. I could not comprehend what was happening. In fact I kept saying, "What is happening right now?". Emily and Chelsea could not provide an answer. I'm afraid I might have PTSD. I will never get those thirty minutes back.

This video is fairly safe but be warned: You will never get these three minutes and thirty-three seconds back.

On the flip side, Sia was absolutely amazing. Her voice is brilliant. It's kind of hard to believe such a big voice comes out of such a little body. She's slightly crazy, but in a good way.

In fact, I enjoyed her so much that she almost made me forget the horrific scenes of Har Mar. Almost.

Be sure to check out Emily and Chelsea's blogs for their versions of the story.

Not Quite Hilarious...

...But still good.

Here is Jimmy Kimmel's revenge for this video.

Again, still not suitable for parents or those offended by language.

Best Thing I Saw All Day

Where'd Everybody Go?

It's 5:10 and I just took my headphones off to discover that nearly everyone in my area is gone. Did I miss a memo or something?

Upsetting the Fans

I got an email from YouTube today notifying me that someone had commented on my banana challenge video.  I had to laugh at how upset this random person was with my effort (or lack of) to complete the challenge.

"you took forever, i just did 2 in 40 seconds, i didnt go for the 3 minutes yet but i definatly could do it, you didnt even try."

Sometimes I forget that this thing called the internet isn't just for me and those who read my little blog.

Quote of the Week

Brought to you by Rob & Big.

After Big Zeus crashed his bike on the ramp.

Rob: "He just blew his nuts out."

BB: "His nuts are shot."

Rob: "He just blew his nuts out."

BB: "Dude, check...your balls."

I'm laughing so hard right now.

Don't Know What You've Got 'Til Its Gone

Lately I've been complaining about a co-worker that likes to give me two thumbs up.  I kid you not, every. single. time he comes to my desk he flashes me the double thumbs before walking away.  But this afternoon he took it to a whole new level.  

The fist pound.  "Bones", if you will.

After nearly completing a report he was working on for me, he came over to point out a potential problem neither of us had noticed up to that point.  I gave some words of praise and then there it was.  His fist outstretched toward me.  I may have recoiled slightly and tried to control the looks of simultaneous fear and disgust that I'm sure were creeping across my face.  

I wanted to shout, "Weren't 'Way to go!' and 'Nice catch!' good enough for you?!  Why do we need to pound fists? That requires touching. PLEASE, for the love, just give me the double thumbs up!!".  

But there was no way around it.  I slowly raised my own fist and we bumped knuckles.

I'm praying the double thumbs are back tomorrow.

I Got Worked

Looks like I have some competition!

Isn't it supposed to be a mitten?

Check out the Google Analytics version of what Michigan looks like.
Looks like we'll no longer be able to explain where we're from by holding up our right hand and pointing...

Lackluster Blog

I was on a roll.  In January I posted a record-breaking 28 times.  So far in February it has been 18, which is above average.  That lovin' feeling for my blog, which was once lost, had returned.

But then seasons four and five (and now six) of Dawson's Creek came along and hijacked my life. Not to mention major life decisions reared their ugly little heads and I've been forced to put effort into sending them packing. Although I must say I'm slightly impressed with how I've been able to avoid real life while still fulfilling basic day-to-day responsibilities.  Its not as easy as you'd think.

Whatever the reasons (the creek, life decisions, allowing time to recover from the banana video) my dear blog has been neglected and I don't like it.

I think I'm back on the blogging train.

Happy Valentine's Day...

...I guess.

Quote of the Week

Brought to you by Rob & Big.

"This chair is not massive ass certified."  - Big Black

Apologies for the language, but it was too funny.

Yesterday's News

I will be homeless by March.  

Maybe I can live in my car like that kid from American Idol.  I'm sure it will be good times.

Wasting Two Minutes of Your Life

After my last post about Rob & Big (Aren't you getting sick of hearing about that show?) Mark informed me of a little experiment he and his co-workers did where they tried to recreate/beat the world record Big set of peeling and eating three bananas is one minute. I thought it would be interesting to see how well I could do.

Here is the result of that curiosity.



It appears that I'm not trying very hard, but I am! Also, I realize now that I may have cheated by starting to peel the second banana before completely finishing the first. Either way, it's harder than it looks.

I Went in For a Toothbrush

Apparently Target has the same effect on me as IKEA does.  It's impossible for me to go there without spending ridiculous amounts of money on things I don't need.

Let's take today for example.  I had to be out of the house for an hour while someone came to walk through.  I thought about sitting in my car on the street in front of the house so I could be in range of the wireless signal and just surf the internet, but decided that might be a tad creepy for the prospective buyer.  So instead I made my way to Target.  I had run most of my errands last night but remembered this morning that I wanted a new toothbrush.  Simple, right? Pickup a new toothbrush and then wander around to kill some time.

Well, 66 dollars and 24 cents later I was on my way back home.  

I was out of control.  While perusing the CDs I just kept picking them up and adding them to the stack (I actually decided at the register not to buy a couple).  Karate Kid for $4.75?! Who wouldn't buy it?  Season three of Arrested Development?  Of course!  I need it to complete my set.  Another Jodi Picoult book?  Sure!

Granted, $66 is not $500 like my IKEA catastrophe.  But $66 for a toothbrush? Something is wrong with me.

Is It Just Me?

Remember when Blogger used to spell-check posts?  That was awesome.

Upgrade to 2006

Due to the unfortunate events of January 20th (and the days that followed), I was banished back to 2004 cell phone technology.  In these days of fancy phones that can take pictures, send email, play music and cook you dinner, I just couldn't handle being that far behind the times. I guess I'm just vain. 

Since Verizon wasn't going to help me out, I took matters into my own hands and bought a used phone off of a co-worker's sister.  How it all came about is another story, but today the transaction was completed. My check arrived in her mailbox and her phone arrived on my desk at work. 

Behold.

The screen is pretty scratched up but I only have to deal with it for six months and then I can get a new phone.  She happened to have one of my new favorite songs, Imogen Heap's Hide and Seek, downloaded as a ringtone so that was an unexpected bonus.  

I waited all afternoon and evening for someone to call me so I could test it out.  No one did - shocker - until 9:45 when Scott called.  I'm happy to report that it works.

I may still be behind the times, but at least I'm sittin' pretty in 2006.

"What's up with your boy's eye?"

I got this text message from my sister, Julie, tonight.  Every time I think about it I start laughing again.

"Quote from Rob and Big: 'When you clack-clack both your ankles, you're on your own.'"

I've said it before and I will continue to say it until it's no longer true: This show is HILARIOUS.  If you're not watching, you should be.

Someone's Been Sleeping In My Bed!

Two people came to look at the house tonight.  As I've mentioned before, it's a little weird to think of strangers roaming around in your house while you're not there.  I'm always interested to see if anything has been moved after I know someone's walked through.

When I left for work this morning I knew someone was going to be coming by so I kicked Max out of my bed and made it nice and tidy.  Tonight when I got home the pillows on my bed were in random spots.  Almost as if someone had been laying in it.

The house is for sale.  The bed is not.

Midday Pick Me Up

Today at work we had a Health & Wellness Fair. A local hospital sent some people over to screen our blood pressure, cholesterol, blood glucose, body fat percentage and body mass index.

Results: I'm fat, have high cholesterol and high blood pressure.

I didn't need a Health & Wellness Fair to figure that out.

Actually, I've never been told my blood pressure was high, so that was news to me, but the rest of it I was well aware of. The lady even said about my body fat percentage, "You're right on the verge of the recommended range. Just lose 15-20 pounds and you'll be there."

Seriously lady? JUST 15-20 pounds? I've been trying to do that for 10 years.

I guess I'm basically one foot in the grave.

Vicks Is Hard Core

Vicks nasal spray will seriously kick your A! But once you get past the intense burning (and in my case, gagging) you're breathing clear.

They weren't kidding when they said it would "Fight your cold congestion at the first signs." It will even fight your cold congestion at the second and third signs.

Lesson to be learned: Don't mess with Vicks.

Reasons Not to Get Plastic Surgery: Exhibit A

Perez posted this video of Heidi and Spencer talking about her new song and video that Spencer directed.

First of all, the actual music video is painful to watch.  Don't even bother.

The video with Perez is also painful, but may be worth checking out to see Heidi looking like she got hit by a bus.  She's had some serious work done to her face.  I'm pretty sure she's sporting new cheeks.  

And Spencer proves to the world, yet again, what a d-bag he truly is. 

Angelina Brought Us Together

This weekend I got a pedicure.  I decided that, since my usual Saturday morning US Weekly reading routine was disrupted due to actually having plans on a Saturday morning, I would catch up on this week's issue while Lani did her thing on my feet.

This was the cover of this week's issue --->

I had already made it through "Who Wore It Best?" and "Loose Talk" and was somewhere in the middle of "Love Lives" when Lani (who is not New Girl, by the way) stopped massaging my leg and said, "Is Angelina pregnant?!".   To which I replied, "That's what they're saying."

Lani went on to tell me the following:

-She could not believe it when she found out that Brad was divorcing his wife for Angelina.

-She wasn't sure how she felt about her after that situation.

-She thinks Angelina is beautiful.

-Angelina does so much for children all over the world.

-She has a good heart.

-After she saw what a good heart Angelina has, then she felt better about her and Brad.

-She's beautiful.

-Oh, and did I mention she has a good heart?

Mind you, this woman hardly speaks English but she could give me the full history of Brad and Angelina.

I couldn't bring myself to tell her that I don't think Angelina is beautiful and that I haven't like Brad as much since he cheated on his wife, so I just smiled and nodded.

Who knew Lani and I shared a love for celebrity gossip, though?

Randoms

I was writing in my journal tonight and a piece of paper fell out of it. I opened it and saw the title "Adventures of the Day" written at the top. There were three entries, three days in a row and I kind of liked two of them.

October 4, 2004.

I was almost killed by a giant wasp on my window screen. I trapped it in a cup and, sweating and shaking, took it outside where I proceeded to lock myself out of the apartment (with a towel on my head). Luckily Ranya's window was open so I climbed through.

October 6, 2004.

I made my first crazy friend on the bus today. I climbed on, sat down and she immediately turned and said, "How's school?". Why would she just assume I'm in school? So I informed her I'm not and she was absolutely shocked. She proceeded to ask me a million random questions, one of them being, "What does your husband do?". Again with the assumptions. Again with being shocked when I tell her I'm not married. We ended the bus ride by talking about the MoTab and whether or not the church had a special deal to get their outfits from ZCMI. Wow.

Sick and Tired

It's nearly 2pm and I just rolled out of bed.  I'm sick. Boo.

I was feeling fine yesterday morning.  I had to get up really early (6:30 am) to attend President Hinckley's funeral so when I got home I took a nap (read: passed out from 2p - 5:30p).   I went to sleep feeling perfectly fine but woke up feeling like crap. And this morning I feel even worse.

The only good thing about it is that now I have an excuse not to shower and sit on the couch all day.

Gratitude

Its experiences like the one I had today that make me grateful to live in Utah.

Gymnastics Is Where Its At

Tonight Jill and I went to Chili's for dinner and there were two obnoxious girls at the table next to us. One in particular was using her outside voice on her cell phone to tell her friend that they were at the gymnastics meet (I'm assuming at the U since we were downtown SLC) and everyone left and they were "so drunk" that they took TRAX to Chili's to hang out.

There are several things wrong here:

1. The use of the cheerleader yell on her cell phone indoors

2. Getting drunk at a gymnastics event? Seriously? It's not hockey or football - even figure skating would make more sense.

3. The big plan for the rest of the night was to "hang out at Chili's". Drunk.

The only redeeming thing about them was that they rode TRAX instead of driving.

Hilarious.

I saw this video online today and was laughing so hard. My favorite part is when they start dancing.

Warning: This video is not acceptable for my parents to watch or anyone that is easily offended by foul lanuage. I'm not kidding, Mom and Dad...