Thursday, February 24, 2011

think. think. think.

I've been waiting to post until I can adequately summarize my trip, but I realized tonight that if I continued to do so, I would never blog again. So, there's that.
  • Coming back from tropical lands to lower-than-normal temperatures + snow is a mean trick.
  • But whatever, I'm tan.
  • Seattle is turning me into one of those people that freaks out at even the threat of snow. Look Seattle, I'm from Michigan which automatically makes me tougher than you. I just never want to get stuck on a bus for three hours again.
  • Speaking of the bus, I have been struggling to ride it in 2011. In fact, I take the bus so rarely that this afternoon I stood at my normal stop for 15 minutes before I noticed the sign that said my route no longer picks up there. And it hasn't since 2/5.
  • The bathroom at my office is at least 30 degrees colder than the rest of the floor. Unnecessary.
  • Last night I had a work outing that may or may not have involved fake eyelashes. I'm not mad about it.
  • It always takes me several days to fold and put away my clean laundry. But until that day comes, I dump it all out on the floor every morning to find the one thing I want and then toss it all back in the basket.
  • I've been having bad dreams lately.
  • I spent 7 days on a boat and didn't get sick, but I spent 20 minutes reading on the bus this morning and thought I might have to puke in my purse.
  • I learned to play the Doogie Howser theme song on the piano the other night.
  • My hair is long and I kind of love it.
  • I had to go to the grocery store tonight, which is in the running for my least favorite thing to do. But it was for a good cause.
  • As I was picking lemons to buy I realized that I find perfectly round lemons untrustworthy and avoided them. However, my aunt later informed me on FB that if they are round and have a thin skin they are the juiciest. I'm still suspicious of them.
  • I would like to snap my fingers and magically have my taxes completed.
  • Yesterday I locked myself out of my computer three times. Today the IT lady said, "You know, you were a real pain in the a%$ yesterday." She wasn't lying.
  • Tomorrow is Friday. Why do short weeks always feel the longest?

Monday, February 14, 2011


It's Valentine's Day.

I could post something slightly bitter [and also funny. and true.] like this:
But of course I wouldn't do something like that.

Instead I will just recommend that you love someone today.
Or love lots of people if you want.
Just spread the love.

I plan to love everyone.

Friday, February 11, 2011

textversation of the day

EM: Also, let's aim for the 1 to 1 ration again this year...k?
Me: I might have to lean more toward h2o. I can't get those cankles again.
EM: And you blame the soda??? Eff no.
Me: Are you saying my ankles are always fat?!? Not true.
EM: Um, no. I think you were allergic to something...But honey, that something ain't soda pop. Though, I do actually encourage some water.
EM: Just not too much.
Me: Wouldn't want to get TOO healthy.
EM: Exactly.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

roommate auditions.

Sooner or later I'm going to need to find a new roommate. And tonight I think I came up with the perfect screening question:

If I were to randomly sing, "Up in the hot tub, poppin' bubbly", would you, without skipping a beat, be able to sing the next line?

Because my current roommate just did.
And that's why it works, folks.

an analogy.

Waxing is like giving birth.
And here's why: The end result is beneficial enough to make you forget the pain and do it again.
You know, like a child.

Tuesday, February 08, 2011


Tonight I laughed harder than I have in a long time.
To the point of no more sound.
Head thrown back. 
No air coming in or going out.
Tears streaming down my face.

It's good for the soul. For my soul.

Monday, February 07, 2011

drinking fountains and cherry heads.

I'm back to the point where all I can muster are Conversation of the Day posts.
Don't be mad.
We can still enjoy each other's company, right?

Today I posted this somewhere on the internets.
Things I saw at lunch: man with eyepatch, man in kilt, man attempting to use a public drinking fountain in Pioneer Square.

Which led to a discussion about how I'm not into public drinking fountains (especially in Pioneer Square) and then this:

AB: Just thinking, it's interesting, that I would never eat anything (or most things) that had touched the ground.
AB: But you would.
Me: I KNEW it was coming back to this.
AB: But I would probably have less trouble drinking from a public fountain.
Me: You will never get over me eating that Cherry Head off your floor.
AB: Is that really the only example? I feel like there are more...

A girl eats ONE piece of candy off the floor (four months ago!) and she can never live it down.
It was a Cherry Head! Do you know how delicious those are?
And since when did the 5 Second Rule stop applying?

Saturday, February 05, 2011

conversation of the day

While bowling this morning for a Boys & Girls Club fundraiser.

SR: Why does everyone look so sad when they don't knock all the pins down?
Me: Because the point of the game is to knock them all down.
SR: Sounds like they need to redefine their definition of success. I already know I'm not going to knock them all down so I'm happy with whatever I can get.

Wednesday, February 02, 2011

man handled.

I have stories to tell. And I've chosen YOU to tell them to first.
You're welcome.

I was walking over to the spa this afternoon with two co-workers when one of them announced that she was prego! That's fun. So we had some girl talk about it with our sales rep while sitting in robes, drinking a delicious beverage and nibbling on fruit while waiting for our massages. Soon the conversation turned to me when the rep asked, "So, Steph, what's new with you?" I responded, "Well, I'm not pregnant." I looked over to find my co-worker shaking her head. "You kill me", was all she had to say.

What? I'm not.

Then when the massage therapists came to collect us from where we were waiting, there was a man among them. And guess whose name he called.
Of course, mine.
Remember the last time I got a man massage from Dennis? I'm happy to report that Shawn was much better. He was young, not unattractive and his belly didn't touch me - all unlike Dennis. Still, I always feel a little strange with the man massage from a stranger.

And what's more, I basically had a couple's massage. WITH THE SALES REP. The spa didn't have enough rooms, so they threw up a partition and the sales rep (who I'd only met once before) and I got massaged together.
Good times.

And they all lived happily ever after.
The End.