Yesterday

*Heard on a conference call while talking about a campaign's poor performance:
"It's like when your kid comes in 6th place. I wouldn't know because I hate children. That would actually make me happy."

*I was taught a new word: Felicitations.
My favorite definition was "a less common word for congratulations" because it was as if dictionary.com was even telling me it was a dumb word to use. But it's not dumb, you see. Below is snippet of the conversation I had when being taught this word.

Me: So, here's a question. People say 'congrats' instead of congratulations. Can I start saying 'felicitats'? Because if so, then there's a good chance I'll start incorporating that into my vocabulary.

See? Not dumb! Fun. And awesome.

*I encountered a 12,000 calorie cake. It was 7lbs. And tasted like a Hostess Cupcake.

History of Hip-Hop

Loved it.

story of my life

This will all make sense in the end. Maybe.

Roger The Mechanic called me yesterday to tell me that they had taken a look at my car and there definitely was a problem, but it wasn't any of my sensors (including my O2 sensor). It was clear that I needed a tune-up, regardless of the issue, so he suggested starting there to see if that solved my problem. I agreed.

Today CC asked me how work was going and I replied that it was fine. I'm currently working on a campaign and, although I have reviewed all of the proposals, I can't figure out how to narrow them down and fit the pieces together into a plan that satisfies me.
Me: "I can't make a decision to save my life."
CC: "Well, that's the story of your life, right?"
(She's a straight shooter.)

This afternoon Roger called again to tell me that my car was ready. The tune-up fixed the issue. And my brakes were totally fine. He said, "You got lucky" and that luck only cost me $250.

Talking with CC tonight I shared my wonderful news from Roger The Mechanic.
Me: "You know, I avoided taking my car in for TWO months because I was afraid of what they were going to tell me. Instead of fixing the issue I was just going to drive it until I no longer could. Potentially into the ground.
...
Now THAT'S the story of my life."

This. That.

+I've been driving with a check engine light on for two months (including a trip to Canada and a trip to Utah). But the last few days it has become painfully clear that I can't ignore it any longer. So tonight I dropped my car off to a mechanic for the first time ever. Well, except for that time I got rear ended getting on the freeway in Provo. That was a doozy. This is the first real time. Keep your fingers crossed that it's just the O2 sensor.

+Tonight I made scotcheroos for LL's birthday and used milk chocolate chips. We'll find out tomorrow how they taste. This is what life looks like when you live on the edge, folks.

+Two reasons for actually working in the office tomorrow (unlike today):
1. More access to real food
2. Less immediate access to candy

+Tonight Fred Meyer was doubling as a club. That's the only explanation for what was happening. There was a DJ playing very loud music. And students everywhere. They were dropping them off by the bus load. When we left we saw hoards of kids walking down the street with their lanyards and backpacks and purple/gold t-shirts and excited freshman faces. It was the strangest thing I've ever seen (and I went to BYU).

+I'm getting a new computer at work and my excitement is close to Christmas levels. What has my life come to?

+Instead of figuring out how to use my external hard drive properly, I'm tempted to just buy a new computer with more space. Problem solved.

+My tan is fading. Something must be done.

To Each Her Own

I broke down and bought Bejeweled for my phone while we were in Maui. (What? There were some long car rides.) It came in handy tonight while I was waiting for the RS broadcast to start, which is where I had the following conversation with LL after she pointed out some things I'd never noticed.

Me: My mind is blown right now!
LL: Dude, there's more to Bejeweled than just getting three in a row.

I have Tetris. She has Bejeweled.

yes, another one.

actually, it's quite possible that i'm posting this again. and i'm okay with it.

Conversation of the Day

Cambo: sounds like maui was fun.
Cambo: and you used a life jacket to snorkel???
Me: maui was fun. and yes. dude, i can't swim. which includes floating.
Cambo: you really can't swim?
Me: no!
Cambo: did you take swimming lessons when you were young?
Me: nope.
Me: this is my favorite conversation today.
Cambo: wow. i am shocked. i have never known someone that didn't know how to swim. lucky for you that I didn't know that when you worked here
Me: how do you not know this about me? what would you have done if you knew when i worked there?
Cambo: probably mocked you occasionally.


And by "occasionally" I'm quite certain he meant "on a daily basis".

Just because July...

...was better than August or September have been.

Maui: Seven

Alternate Title: The Day Maui Babe Failed Us

Last night we all (minus Brooke and her SPF 50 skin) decided that, since it was our last day in Maui, we were going to go big with our tanning system today. This meant foregoing the sunscreen and rocking the Maui Babe Browning Lotion.

In keeping with our daily routine, we all put on our swimsuits and gathered in the dining room and lotioned and oiled, oiled and lotioned. I couldn't bring myself to go completely sans sunscreen, so I put on on SPF 4 and THEN Maui Babe.

SPF 4. Like that's going to do anything, but it made me feel better.

We were only at the beach for a couple hours but let's skip ahead to late afternoon after we made it back to the condo to shower. We were all feeling the burn. My legs felt like they were on fire and most of Lindsay's body resembles a lobster. The Professor and Patrick are also crispy, but having spent less time than us at the beach today, they are in better shape.

Turns out Maui Babe may have been the wrong choice.

Tomorrow morning we'll get on a plane and had back to this.

But I've used the last week of looking at views like this to build up my reserves, so I'm actually kind of looking forward to it.

Thanks, Maui.

Maui: Six

This morning we headed north and followed the same road that, on day one, caused me to literally pray that we would not fall off the side of a mountain. However, this time, we stopped well before the two lane road turned into one lane and I got carsick from all the winding.

I mean, it's day six. We've learned a thing or two by now.

This time we stopped, walked through a beautiful wooded area [complete with Tarzan-like vines hanging from trees] and ended up at a very rocky bay. A bay perfect snorkeling. You see, my snorkeling adventure on day four was no fluke. Apparently it's what I do now.

I'm happy to say that a few things were different from day four. 
1. It required much less convincing to get me in the water. [It helped that the shore consisted entirely of rocks, so not going out would have been a worse decision.]
2. I downsized from the life jacket + boogie board to the life jacket + water noodle combo. A step in the right direction if I do say so myself.
3. I ditched the death grip. Sure, I forced BS to stay very nearby the whole time, but I wasn't breaking her hand in the process.
4. We were out pretty far and the water was deep. We went beyond where all the boats were dropping snorkelers off on their paid tours.

I saw a lot more fish this time and even an eel, but sadly no sea turtles. When The Professor finally showed up again and announced that he had seen a sea turtle on his adventure, my jealousy raged. But I took comfort in the fact that it was at least half the size of Frank.

The life jacket + water noodle combo. Don't mind the crazy salt water hair or the awkward pose. Finding a way to make posing with a water noodle look natural is harder than you'd think.

The rest of the afternoon was spent at the beach working on our tans. In the words of PB, "It's crunch time" so it was necessary to do some good work. The beach was beautiful but was a little like being in a tornado. So, so windy. We eventually moved to the grass to avoid being pelted with sand, but the damage was already done. I had more sand in my hair than you could imagine. My favorite moment of the day might have been this evening when we got in the pool and The Professor was scrubbing sand out of my hair. That guy will do anything.

And for your bonus photo/story of the day. Mom and Dad went on a date tonight and left the kids at home. [Side note: I don't know how it happened, but they left Brooke in charge. Yeah, I'm confused too.] Below is the pre-date photo. Notice anything odd?

Oh, that's just me creepin' in the background. I was standing on a chair on the back porch trying to watch the fools who got their truck stuck on the beach. So, I guess I was creepin' on them too.

Only one more full day to go. Let's not talk about it.

Maui: Five

Today we ate. All day.

We started out with breakfast at The Gazebo for their famous white chocolate macadamia nut pancakes. I don't typically enjoy nuts cooked in my food, but in the spirit of trying new things I went for it. And it was delicious. I was sad I could only finish one.

This afternoon, after The Professor, Patrick and Brooke finished their surfing lesson, we made our third attempt at getting acceptable shaved ice. JACKPOT. It was everything I never knew I always wanted in shaved ice. Banana, coconut & pineapple with ice cream on the bottom. We'll be back.

After a dinner of homemade pizza [Which, sadly, I have no photographic evidence of, but let's just say it was a little toasty.] we made our way to Yogurtland. We had gone there for dessert on my birthday and The Professor hasn't stopped talking about it since. Here he is with his 15oz.

And just for funsies, this was my view while I spent some quality time with my tan this afternoon. I can't be mad about that.

I had come in from the pool and was reading my book on the couch when I had the following conversation with P-Rizzle.

PB: Dude, Steph, you're SO tan.
Me: Really? You're not just saying that because that's what I want to hear?
[side note: He had previously been telling me that I was tan when I wasn't just to make me feel better.]
PB: For real. It's almost scary.

So in a nutshell, I ate a lot of good food and am getting scarily tan. Basically today is my best day.

Maui: Four

Alternate title: Frank the Old, Wise Sea Turtle.

So, here are a couple things about me that you should know by now:

• I can't swim. Not really even a little bit.
• As a result, I have a slight fear of water. 

Now, this fear of water is a little strange because there are times when I love water. Like yesterday evening as I was on the beach in our backyard watching the sunset. LOVE. Or last night as I was watching the waves lit by moonlight after eating dinner on the back porch. LOVE.

Yet jumping in that water and being able to keep myself from drowning is something I just can't seem to get behind. The thought of it paralyzes me with fear.

However, let's not forget that 2010 is the year I do hard things.

So when everyone was renting snorkel gear for the week, I said, Sure, I'll rent some. Why not? [Life jacket included.]

But when we got to the beach and I saw the water and waves and what appeared to be twenty dead bodies floating just off shore, I felt the fear creeping over me. I promptly decided that my tan really needed me to put in some good time on the sand. I mean, how can I say no to my tan? It NEEDS me!

Then the peer pressure started. And although I was able to make it through high school largely unharmed by peer pressure, I find myself powerless over it now. Somehow I ended up standing in the water with a life jacket and goggles on. Then before I knew it was putting on flippers, all the while saying, "Oh...so...yeah...I don't think I'm going to do this."

It was probably at this point that I saw the three year old kid next to me, wearing water wings, kneeling on top of a boogie board, with his parents on either side of him. Then I took inventory of myself: Life jacket. Boogie Board. LL and BS on either side of me.

Great, I'm the equivalent of a three year old.
But if that kid could do it, then I could too.

I waded out further into the water and went for it. Never mind that I was floating along in a life jacket AND on a boogie board. Or the fact that I had a death grip on both LL and BS. What matters was that I was in the ocean, with my feet off the ground and my head in the water.

Now, if I'm being honest, I wasn't super impressed in general with the party under the sea. That is until I saw Frank. Frank the sea turtle. He was massive and oh, so adorable. And I could just tell he was wise. We kept losing track of him but at one point we couldn't keep from heading straight for him and swam right over the top of him. I was so nervous and loved it at the same time. He came up for air and stuck his cute little face out of the water.

Oh, that Frank. He might be the highlight of the trip so far.

This photo is proof that it happened. Notice how Brooke's body is slightly more submerged than mine. NBD.

I'm pretty proud of myself. PB teased that just getting in the water was my equivalent of bungee jumping. So, maybe that's true. But now I can say I bungee jumped.

Conversation of the Day

Discussing snorkeling this morning.

PB: With your life jacket the total was $105.
Me: So, no one else got a life jacket then?
[Silence.]
[Eruption of laughter.]
LL: Well, I brought my water wings so I'm going to pass on the life jacket.


I love myself and I hate myself.

Maui: Two & Three.

Day Two was a success.
I accomplished everything on my agenda, which is the brilliance of setting small, attainable goals. I felt like a champion.

Shave Ice. Too huge. No ice cream. I'll give it a 7.

The Professor bought a coconut from the side of the road. I drank what was inside. It was not good. [You should see the photo that came after this one.]

The clouds at Big Beach were testing my patience, but we were still able to make it work. I followed The Professor's strict tanning plan and got a decent amount of sun.

And as a bonus for the day, our car got nailed by a golf ball as we drove past Wailea golf course. We pulled over, Patrick got out and said words, I got nervous and also laughed, and then I took this picture in super stealth mode. At this moment the golf man is saying, "The last thing I expected was to hit a rock!".

Day Three. My birthday.
I spent the day at the beach and made some great progress on my tan. [I'm sure it's clear by now what my priority is for this trip. TAN. I should be on Jersey shore.] I hate to admit it, but I was a little weak. After 2.5 hours I was longing for some shade. However, without the clouds we had the day before those 2.5 hours were enough to do some good work.

That evening we met up with Chelsea for dinner. Lucky for me, Tuesday was her day to work on Maui this week.

We ate food, we sang-along to some Billy Joel, we ate frozen yogurt and laughed a lot. What more can a girl ask for on her birthday?

We got back to the condo and things felt crazy. It felt like it was 2am, but it was only 9:00. [Side note: This trip is like vacationing with with elderly. We get tired around 10pm and wake up at 7am. I was the last one awake last night at 11:30pm.] I was attacked by Brooke who would not stop singing a really creepy Happy Birthday song, made a wish and blew out some candles, had a run-in with a gecko in our living room and was asleep before midnight.

When I said Brooke attacked me, I meant it. Every time I tried to move she squeezed me tighter. Girl is strong.

Brooke: "Take my picture!"
Stephanie: "Who brought this girl?"
Eli: "I'm a Ken Doll."

I'm completely in love with this photo. Patrick was singing some sweet, sweet harmonies and I'm clearly impressed with his range.

All in all, Maui is good. Real good.

Maui.

I think I could become a morning person if this was what I had to look forward to every morning. This is the view from our back porch.

Day One was successful in terms of fearing for my life, but only semi-successful in terms of my tan. But I have high hopes for today. The Professor is REALLY good at tanning and I have a feeling his system is going to work well for me.

Also on today's agenda:

• Shaved Ice
• Buy a coconut on the side of the road and drink whatever we find inside

 What can I say? I dream big, folks.

thoughts and feelings about thoughts and feelings.

I can't sleep.
It's nearly 4 am and I'm so tired.

But I have a lot of thoughts that are keeping me awake.

Tonight my birthday was celebrated. Without warning. And I loved it.
[More to come on that.]

But then I came home and found a box with my name on it. Inside the box was a stack of cards with so many thoughts and feelings written on them. Thoughts and feelings from people I know and love.

Thoughts and feelings from them, about me.

And then I just felt a lot of things.
It's possible that there were a few tears shed.
And that I smiled.
And re-read them all again.

You see, it was absolutely perfect.

Let me back up. In the words of Jill, "I'm in a weird place right now". Truthfully, the past two weeks have been the most difficult I've experienced in a while. And it's been an especially hard five days. At the risk of getting too personal, I've felt very alone. It happens sometimes.

So, after two weeks of crazy, to read all of those nice things and to see the effort that was put into something on my behalf, my heart feels overwhelmed.

And all I can say is thank you to anyone and everyone that had any part in it.
Just, thanks.

Confession #2456

I fell asleep in the middle of writing that post last night. When I woke up all I wanted to do was go back to sleep (I love sleep so much) and I just hit the publish button without any editing.

So, if it feels crazy that's why.
And welcome to my world right now. Everything feels crazy at the moment.

Nice to Meet You, I'm Naked Under Here.

Guys, I'm so fancy. Today I ate lunch at the Four Seasons and went to the spa after work.

But really. I'm the last person who should be eating lunch at the Four Seasons. Allow me to share with you a few reasons why:
1. I cuffed my jeans on the walk over so they wouldn't get soaked. I left them that way all during lunch.
2. I refused to check my coat.
3. I ordered a Diet Coke. Nothing says fancy like two DC refills.
4. I never wanted to stop eating bread. I did. But I didn't want to.
5. I ordered spaghetti bolognese. SPAGHETTI.
6. I had zero desire to twirl it on my spoon. Again, I did. But I didn't want to.

That was all just a tangent. Fun, right?

What I really want to talk about is the massage I got after work. I've mentioned it before, but one of the perks of my job is getting free stuff: meals, Snuggies, mani/pedis, BYU hats, massages, etc. But let's think for a minute about what getting a massage entails.
Getting naked.
Sitting in robes.
Getting naked and sitting in a robe with co-workers.

In this particular situation this evening, my co-worker bailed so it was just me and the sales rep. Not awesome, but not horrible. However, I had never actually met this woman in the non-virtual world so not only were we getting naked and sitting in robes together, but we were also shaking hands and saying "Nice to meet you" while we were doing it.

Perfectly awkward.

Ghost of Careers Future

Today I sat through what is probably the worst sales presentation I’ve ever seen. Painful is the only word I can use to describe it. After it ended (thankfully 30 minutes early) I started walking with a co-worker back to our desks in silence when he finally leaned over and whispered, “That’s the worst presentation I’ve been to in a long time.”

To which I replied, “You just experienced what it would be like if I was in sales.”

But, you see, that’s why I’m not in sales.

Sooo…two points for me for recognizing my strengths and weaknesses.