Do's and Don'ts: Air Travel

Having recently traveled by plane, I encountered some situations that inspired this post.

DO:
-Try to quickly gather your things after passing through security. I know they make you practically get naked, but those grey bins pile up fast.
-Follow the "one seat between" rule whenever possible while waiting at the gate.
-Smile at the stranger who ends up sitting next you on the plane. You don't have to chat it up (please don't think you even need to say anything to me), but at least smile.
-Refrain from buckling your seat belt when you're sitting on the aisle and the window seat next to you is empty. It's Christmas, they oversold the flight and had to bump four passengers, you KNOW you're not lucky enough for that seat to stay empty.
-Let everyone in the rows in front of you out before you barrel down the aisle. Just because you have an end seat doesn't mean everyone with a window seat should wait until the end.
-Keep your cell phone on vibrate at all times when your ring tone is "When the Saints Go Marching In". Actually, you should probably just change your ring tone.

DON'T:
-Stare at me while we're sitting at the gate. When I look at you, see you staring, look away and then look back at you - you should no longer be staring at me.
-Eat a tuna fish sandwich you brought with you in your "sack lunch". I'm a fan of tuna fish, but not when I'm sitting in enclosed spaces with recirculated air.
-Chase your tuna sandwich with Cool Ranch Doritos. It doesn't help your situation.
-Hog the middle arm rest. I only need a teeny, tiny corner of it. Didn't your mother teach you to share?
-Don't put your foot under the chair in front of me. That's my space. I realize you have long legs and airplanes are cramped, but that's why you're on the aisle.
-Don't shake your leg(s). You see, seats on a plane are all connected so you shaking your leg(s) shakes your chair, which shakes my chair, which shakes my arm, which shakes my book that I'm trying to read. Slap on your nicotine patch or pop your Ritalin BEFORE you get on the plane.
-Turn your body so your knees are angled toward mine (and crossing the imaginary line). We're strangers. We don't need to touch.
-Squeeze into a spot at the baggage carousel when there is no room. I claimed my spot 10 minutes ago. You were too late. Get up off me.
-Say "excuse you" to me when YOU are reaching over ME to get your bag. I'm happy to move out of your way, but don't act like I cut in front of you. Again, I claimed my spot and apparently you were too late.

Follow these simple instructions and no one will write a blog about you post-travel.

You're welcome.

Just Doing His Job

Once upon a time a girl and her father were stopped by the police on Christmas Day. Apparently the officer thought it was strange to see two people out on the deserted streets of the small town at 12:30 am on Christmas Day (night) with cameras on tripods taking pictures.

Oh, and it was 17 degrees outside.

THE END.

Stalking Opportunity

MSN is reporting that Katherine Heigl and Josh Kelley married yesterday in Park City. I really wish I could have hung out in (read: stalked) Park City this weekend.

R & R

What is it about being home that makes me want to sleep? The first two nights here I went to bed at 8:30 and 9:00...that's 6:30 and 7:00 mountain time. And when I say "went to bed" I mean was fighting so hard to keep my eyes open but finally fell asleep on the couch. Oh, and I slept for 12 hours each night.

I was a little worried that something was seriously wrong with me but I'm happy to report that things are back to normal. I think it's just that this is a comfortable place and I've been able to really relax for the first time in weeks.

So far I have:
+Played cards with Grandpa and even though I got two Little Horses in a row, Mom and I lost three games to one
+Visited the cemetery
+Ate dinner at Bob Evans. Yes, Bob Evans.
+Finished Christmas shopping
+Completed the Nutcracker puzzle. I've put it together so many times that 750 pieces took me roughly 90 minutes tops.
+Dinner at Johnny Rockets
+Saw the new National Treasure movie with the parents
+Spent some time with Josh
+Went to church
+Took a two hour nap
+Had Sunday dinner with the Cousins
+Caught up on blog reading and PerezHilton gossip

Life in H-Town is shaping up well.

I'll Be Home For Christmas

Tomorrow at this time I'll be home. Probably sitting in the living room watching a movie or reading a book and just settling into the comfort of that familiar place. I haven't been home in 1 1/2 years and haven't been home for Christmas in 2 years.

I can't believe it's here already! I'm excited.

Santa Came!

Last night Lindsay and I exchanged gifts and I'm pretty sure I won't be having any conversations with actual people for at least a week. Or two.

She also gave me Tetris (which I love!) and now I just have to get Dr. Mario and I'll be set.

I'm extending an Official Tetris Challenge to Brian and/or Amanda when I get back from Michigan.

Thanks, Linds!

Getting Personal

My parents still live in the same house I grew up in so I've never had the pleasure of living in a house that's for sale...until now.  There's so much pressure to keep everything clean and organized and I'm not doing a very good job.  It's a little weird to think of strangers roaming through the place I live and, essentially, judging me.

Today I came home and found that someone had walked through the house.  There was a comment card left on the kitchen table with several very nice things written:

"Great home"

"Very clean and shows well"

"Great display of home"

And then the last comment...

"Would recommend painting pink bathroom!"

Rude. The only negative thing written on the card and it's referring to MY bathroom. 

I was inspired one day as I was walking through Target and saw a bundle of washcloths that looked so adorable - pink, white, tan and chocolate brown.  So I bought them and decided to re-decorate my bathroom using that color scheme.

Two of the walls were already beige, I bought a white shower curtain, bought chocolate brown towels and painted the walls pink.  I see nothing wrong with it.  (They're just lucky I didn't leave it the Pepto-Bismol pink it was for a few hours.)

Regardless, I feel personally attacked and I don't think I like it.

Adventure's in Michael's

An impromptu trip to Michael's turned out to be a free show of sorts.

Cast of characters:
Me
My brother, Brian
What's Happening!! Girl
Meth Girl
Turtle Girl
Acne Boy
Liquor Store Man
Wreath Girl

Sounds good, right?

Act I: The Dilemma
Brian and I hit up the Michael's in Sugarhouse to pick up a frame as part of a Christmas present. We finally decided on which style to get and were presented with two choices:

#1 A frame with a "ding" on the side
#2 A frame with a dirty, smudged mat.

Neither of which met my standards.

Act II: The Plan
I devised a plan to switch the clean mat out of the dinged-up frame with the dirty mat in the good frame. Before doing so I wanted to check with an employee to make sure it would be fine.

Brian: Have you ever shopped at Michael's before?
Me: Not really. Why?
Brian: Because they aren't very friendly. Or helpful. You shouldn't even bother asking, just switch them.

Of course I was too nervous to just make the switch without permission and proceeded to find an employee. The girl I found Brian referred to as What's Happening!! Girl and she chomped on her gum with her mouth wide open and so hard I thought her teeth might break. I explained the situation and she said that I should ask customer service.

We made our way to customer service and were met by Meth Girl. Brian said she was "one bad day away from telling her parole officer she didn't want the job and was going back to her meth addiction." We explained the situation again, holding both frames in hand, and she said, "Is it even going to fit?". To which I replied, "They are the same frame so, yes, it will fit." She told us she didn't see why it would be a problem and then said, "I'm not very good at this." Not very good at taking the back off of a picture frame and lifting up the mat? I know the meth may have done some damage, but seriously? But I guess you can be bad at it because she slid each hook on the back over one at a time trying to pull the back off in between each one. A normal person might have realized that you need to slide all of them first and THEN try to take the back off, but not Meth Girl.

Act III: The Checkout
The switch finally happened and we went to a check out stand. The girl there, who Brian referred to as Turtle Girl, had no one in line and was shifting some items on her counter. She waited until he got all the way to the counter and had set down the frame before saying "I'm in the middle of another transaction" in a weird robot voice.

We then went to wait in line at the only other open register. Brian didn't come up with an exact name for the boy behind the counter but seemed to think his acne defined him. Acne Boy was helping a man who was rambling on about the liquor store down the street. Acne Boy cut him off and said, "I'm only 16 so I don't really know..." The man then proceeded to give him what sounded like tips about not getting ID'd at the liquor store...I'm not quite sure.

Then, to top off the experience, the lady in front of us who had been "fluffing" her fake wreath suddenly turned and asked if it looked fake or not. I replied that it didn't and that it looked great. She said, "Of course it looks fake." Alright then.

The End.

Everyone put on their best performance. We didn't know we were in for such a treat.

Productivity

Today was the most productive Saturday I've had in a long time. Aside from the fact that I accidentally slept in (only until 10am), I was able to accomplish all that I had on the schedule for the day. With my departure for Michigan looming near and the knowledge that I will probably be staying at work late next week to finish a couple projects, I had to actually make a plan for my day.

This is what went down:
+ iTunes updating. How did I get so many songs without track names, artists and/or albums? And why am I so OCD that I need to manually update it all?
+ Christmas shopping which, for the first time this holiday season, included more gifts for other people than for myself. The score today -- Stephanie: 4 Other People: 6
+ I had to write a check for $1 to get out of the parking garage. I made several purchases but completely spaced getting validation. FYI - you can't use a theater validation unless you've been there long enough to actually see a movie (clever). The lady was even kind enough to explain to me that if I didn't have a dollar bill then four quarters would work too. That was news to me. I had no idea four quarters = one dollar.
+ Card shopping with Brian. We both suck at picking out cards.
+ Dinner with the fam to celebrate Annie's birthday.
+ More shopping. A very blog-worthy story came from this trip. Stay-tuned.
+ Present wrapping while watching Love Actually. It has become tradition for me to watch this movie while wrapping my heart out.
+ An episode of Dawson's Creek with Emily and Chelsea. I'm glad they share my love for the creek.
+ Em getting pissed because Max always has to be picked up so dramatically. It's true. (Anyone who has seen one of his stretches knows what she's talking about.)
+ To Do list updating. I'm sure I've previously expressed my love for good To Do list.

My favorite conversation of the night went something like this:

Me: She has a giant crush on him.
Brian: A what?
Me: Giant crush.
Brian: I thought you said "va-giant crush".
Me: (Laughing so hard I could have been a danger to other drivers on the road) What does that even mean?
Brian: I don't know. I was hoping it was going to be something good.

"Smarney in laughlin". "Va-giant crush". Apparently not hearing correctly is a family trait.

Light Bulb

Lindsay and I, each sitting in our respective corners of the office, just had a ten minute phone conversation about our plans for the next five days, when it suddenly hit me that we could be having this conversation at home.

Disagreement

Today at lunch Lindsay, Stephanie and I went to a classy truck stop in West Valley called Maxie's. (Sidenote: Lindsay said she likes going there because she's usually the classiest person there. It's true.)

I thought to myself, "I want the grease!", so I got a grilled ham and cheese and the most delicious fries I've ever had.

It's now four hours later and my stomach is saying, "You can't handle the grease!". I have the worst stomach ache ever. Ok, maybe not the worst ever, but it hurts.

All the pain is worth the delicious fry/fry sauce combo.

Clarification Please

Why is there live music coming from the warehouse connected to my office? I hear a guitar and drums.

Does it turn into some sort of club after 6 pm?

Update: There is now singing. Harmonizing. "Don't Let Me Down" by The Beatles. I'm so confused.

Risky Business

The other day I was on a conference call with one of our vendors and she said something that left me momentarily speechless.

What they say: "You need to give us more budget in order for us to improve performance."

What I say: "You need to improve your performance before I will give you more budget."

Call me crazy.

Media glands? Seriously?

I'm a fan of giving blood. I'm not scared of needles and it makes me feel like I'm actually helping in some small way. I haven't done it for nearly two years because I got pretty sick the last time, but when I pulled into work this morning and saw the blood mobile in the parking lot, I figured it was time to give it another shot.

It was business as usual until, as the blood guy was finishing things up, he tried to have a conversation with me. He was actually pretty cute and I was expecting something other than what happened...

Blood Guy: "So, what do you do here?"
Me: "I'm a Media Strategist." (I note the look of confusion on his face.) "I put together media plans for our clients.
BG: (Now looking extra confused.) "The what?"
Me: "Media plans."
BG: "Media glands?"
Me: "PLANS. Like when we buy TV or Internet advertising space...we're a marketing company."

*Awkward silence. I'm pretty sure he still doesn't get it.*

BG: "So how long have you been doing that?"
Me: "Two and a half years."

*Awkward silence. Apparently he starts to laugh.*

BG: "I'm sorry I'm laughing."
What I heard: "Smarney in laughlin."

*Awkward silence. Now I'm the one confused and I just smile in response because I have no idea what he's talking about and am too distracted to think of anything to say.*


BG: "It's just that I want to ask you another question, but I don't know where to go from there. That's why I'm laughing."

*Awkward silence. It dawns on me that he didn't actually say "Smarney in laughlin" but it's too late to formulate any sort of response. Plus, my arm is now straight up in the air and I'm putting on pressure to stop the bleeding.*

BG: "I've just never met one of you before."

By then it was over. The conversation had more than derailed so I just smiled and nodded. He lost me at media glands and I just couldn't get past it.

Although he may not be great with conversation, he's exceptional with the needle. Not a bruise in sight. Maybe next time he should skip the small talk.

My iPod Delivers

At the end of the day I had a project I needed to rush to complete so I broke out the iPod to help me concentrate. I opted to listen on shuffle as opposed to my usual setting of Brandi Carlile's live songs and, surprisingly, shuffle did not disappoint.

I'll admit, I have a lot of junk on my iPod. Almost every CD I own is on there and I own some lame CDs. Which is why I was so surprised when I didn't have to skip any songs.

Here's what I got:

• Downpour - Brandi Carlile
• Whisper - A Fine Frenzy
• River - Sarah McLachlan
• Such Reveries - Duncan Sheik
• Ireland - Tori Amos
• Sunday Morning Song - Howie Day
• Angels We Have Heard on High - Josh Groban
• Gone - Brandi Carlile
• Was It You? - Spoon
• Falling Slowly - Once Soundtrack
• Girl - Across the Universe Soundtrack
  
• Annie Waits - Ben Folds
• I Just Can't Live a Lie - Carrie Underwood
• Home - Michael Buble (Live)

C'mon - giving me Brandi Carlile right off the bat and again halfway through? I like it.

Thank You, Santa.

Have I ever mentioned that I love John Krasinski? Well, I do. And if I can't see him in person then seeing him super, super sized would be the next best thing.
I don't even know what I would do if I had to walk past this gigantic Jim billboard every day. I probably would never make it to work. I'd just stop and stare and forget that I even had anywhere to be.

Thanks, Danny, for hookin' a girl up.