Do's and Don'ts: Air Travel

Having recently traveled by plane, I encountered some situations that inspired this post.

DO:
-Try to quickly gather your things after passing through security. I know they make you practically get naked, but those grey bins pile up fast.
-Follow the "one seat between" rule whenever possible while waiting at the gate.
-Smile at the stranger who ends up sitting next you on the plane. You don't have to chat it up (please don't think you even need to say anything to me), but at least smile.
-Refrain from buckling your seat belt when you're sitting on the aisle and the window seat next to you is empty. It's Christmas, they oversold the flight and had to bump four passengers, you KNOW you're not lucky enough for that seat to stay empty.
-Let everyone in the rows in front of you out before you barrel down the aisle. Just because you have an end seat doesn't mean everyone with a window seat should wait until the end.
-Keep your cell phone on vibrate at all times when your ring tone is "When the Saints Go Marching In". Actually, you should probably just change your ring tone.

DON'T:
-Stare at me while we're sitting at the gate. When I look at you, see you staring, look away and then look back at you - you should no longer be staring at me.
-Eat a tuna fish sandwich you brought with you in your "sack lunch". I'm a fan of tuna fish, but not when I'm sitting in enclosed spaces with recirculated air.
-Chase your tuna sandwich with Cool Ranch Doritos. It doesn't help your situation.
-Hog the middle arm rest. I only need a teeny, tiny corner of it. Didn't your mother teach you to share?
-Don't put your foot under the chair in front of me. That's my space. I realize you have long legs and airplanes are cramped, but that's why you're on the aisle.
-Don't shake your leg(s). You see, seats on a plane are all connected so you shaking your leg(s) shakes your chair, which shakes my chair, which shakes my arm, which shakes my book that I'm trying to read. Slap on your nicotine patch or pop your Ritalin BEFORE you get on the plane.
-Turn your body so your knees are angled toward mine (and crossing the imaginary line). We're strangers. We don't need to touch.
-Squeeze into a spot at the baggage carousel when there is no room. I claimed my spot 10 minutes ago. You were too late. Get up off me.
-Say "excuse you" to me when YOU are reaching over ME to get your bag. I'm happy to move out of your way, but don't act like I cut in front of you. Again, I claimed my spot and apparently you were too late.

Follow these simple instructions and no one will write a blog about you post-travel.

You're welcome.