Adventure's in Michael's

An impromptu trip to Michael's turned out to be a free show of sorts.

Cast of characters:
Me
My brother, Brian
What's Happening!! Girl
Meth Girl
Turtle Girl
Acne Boy
Liquor Store Man
Wreath Girl

Sounds good, right?

Act I: The Dilemma
Brian and I hit up the Michael's in Sugarhouse to pick up a frame as part of a Christmas present. We finally decided on which style to get and were presented with two choices:

#1 A frame with a "ding" on the side
#2 A frame with a dirty, smudged mat.

Neither of which met my standards.

Act II: The Plan
I devised a plan to switch the clean mat out of the dinged-up frame with the dirty mat in the good frame. Before doing so I wanted to check with an employee to make sure it would be fine.

Brian: Have you ever shopped at Michael's before?
Me: Not really. Why?
Brian: Because they aren't very friendly. Or helpful. You shouldn't even bother asking, just switch them.

Of course I was too nervous to just make the switch without permission and proceeded to find an employee. The girl I found Brian referred to as What's Happening!! Girl and she chomped on her gum with her mouth wide open and so hard I thought her teeth might break. I explained the situation and she said that I should ask customer service.

We made our way to customer service and were met by Meth Girl. Brian said she was "one bad day away from telling her parole officer she didn't want the job and was going back to her meth addiction." We explained the situation again, holding both frames in hand, and she said, "Is it even going to fit?". To which I replied, "They are the same frame so, yes, it will fit." She told us she didn't see why it would be a problem and then said, "I'm not very good at this." Not very good at taking the back off of a picture frame and lifting up the mat? I know the meth may have done some damage, but seriously? But I guess you can be bad at it because she slid each hook on the back over one at a time trying to pull the back off in between each one. A normal person might have realized that you need to slide all of them first and THEN try to take the back off, but not Meth Girl.

Act III: The Checkout
The switch finally happened and we went to a check out stand. The girl there, who Brian referred to as Turtle Girl, had no one in line and was shifting some items on her counter. She waited until he got all the way to the counter and had set down the frame before saying "I'm in the middle of another transaction" in a weird robot voice.

We then went to wait in line at the only other open register. Brian didn't come up with an exact name for the boy behind the counter but seemed to think his acne defined him. Acne Boy was helping a man who was rambling on about the liquor store down the street. Acne Boy cut him off and said, "I'm only 16 so I don't really know..." The man then proceeded to give him what sounded like tips about not getting ID'd at the liquor store...I'm not quite sure.

Then, to top off the experience, the lady in front of us who had been "fluffing" her fake wreath suddenly turned and asked if it looked fake or not. I replied that it didn't and that it looked great. She said, "Of course it looks fake." Alright then.

The End.

Everyone put on their best performance. We didn't know we were in for such a treat.