The Arrival

I survived the week and have arrived in Michigan. I caught a red eye on Wednesday night (from the same gate I spent the night at over Christmas) and endured the wee hours of the morning in very close proximity to a large man who was unfortunate enough to get the middle seat, but felt the need to lean in my direction for 3.5 hours. He also felt the need to read the whole time with his overhead light blaring in my eyes and the need to take his shoes off and also to pick a spot on his arm until it bled. Needless to say, I didn't get as much rest as I had planned since I spent the whole night trying to dodge any contact with this man.

I landed at 5:30am local time, caught a shuttle (after waiting an hour) to a nearby hotel where I proceeded to sleep on a smokey smelling couch for an hour. I managed to wake up enough to grab some breakfast and promptly fall back asleep with my nephew as we made our way up to H-Town.

An hour after that we pulled into town and quickly devised a plan. We parked on the next street over, snuck through the neighbor's yard and around the front of the garage. I was in charge of the video camera while Geoff dropped off the baby on the porch and knocked on the door. You see, I had called my mom and told her that I changed my flight to come in that afternoon and she had no idea that G&L + Knocky were coming at all. I could hear my mom inside saying, "Oh, they're here! They're here!" and then she proceeded to FREAK OUT. No, seriously.

It. Was. Awesome.
(I have it all on video, but I don't know if I have permission to post it or not.)

The rest of the morning is a blur. I just remember waking up on the couch hours later (maybe three or four) with my sister having magically appeared from the airport. The rest of the day was delightful and included a trip to Target, home-cooked food, perfect weather, a bike ride, a walk, strawberry shortcake, SYTYCD, playing with my nephew and enjoying my family's company.

It may have had a rough start, but today ended up being one of the best I've had in a while.

Safety First

Which is worse?
Me sitting in the front middle seat of the family station wagon
OR
that little boy outfit I'm wearing?

And There You Have It

-I tried to get up at 5:30 this morning. And by "tried" I mean, I set my alarm for 5:30 knowing that there was no way it would actually happen. In the end I was at my desk by 7:30 am, so I still feel like I did my part.
-I was completely exhausted today. It was a struggle to the point where I could barely keep my eyes open and it was only 9am. I knew that due to my Diet Coke tolerance I was going to have to pull out the big guns and eventually broke down and bought a Monster energy drink. It took an hour to kick in but it did it's job.
-Around Noon I was so tired yet extremely caffeinated that I started laughing uncontrollably at a co-worker's comment that wasn't even meant to be funny. I felt a little like Jessie Spano when she's hopped up on the caffeine pills and gets a little crazy. "I'm so excited! I'm so excited! I'm so...scared."
-It's humid. And the worst part is, if I think this is bad then I'm in for a treat when I get to Michigan this weekend.
-Ever since July 4th I've been addicted to s'mores. I can't stop eating them and I've perfected the art of cooking them in the microwave.
-I saw The Ugly Truth. Don't bother.
-I went kayaking on Saturday morning. Me. In a kayak. In the middle of Lake Union. Can you even believe it? What's even more shocking is that I didn't freak out at all. (Maybe minus in the beginning when Pamela was steering us toward other boats.)
-I also went putt-putting on Saturday and dominated. My victim shall remain nameless (so as not to embarrass) but he didn't know what he was getting himself into. All that putting on summer vacations up north must have paid off. And I didn't even say "a slight dog-leg to the left" or "Six. Yeah, sixty-six" once.
-I saw Brandi Carlile in concert this weekend without even meaning to. Brilliant. (Okay, okay. I kind of thought she might be there.)
-I might need to stop reading books. I just get so into whatever I'm reading that I can't put it down and before I know it it's 1am. I always regret it the next day.
-I've turned off all of my email notifications at work. Nearly every time it would pop up I couldn't resist stopping whatever I was doing to read it. Not very efficient. But now I just forget to check my inbox (sometimes for several hours at a time). Also not very efficient.
-I went to Bite of Seattle a couple weekends ago and ate berries on a stick dipped in chocolate. It was as delicious as it sounds.
Who knew it would make me so happy? And squinty?
-In 48 hours I'll be jumping on a red-eye to Michigan to celebrate my grandpa's 85th birthday. Maybe this time I'll return the favor and help him blow out candles on his cake.

Three Bananas. One Minute. Revisited [sort of].

Some of you may remember the YouTube sensation of me trying to eat three bananas in one minute. (Sidenote: I would link to the post, but I look like a complete idiot so I can't bring myself to do it. Let's just say it was in February 2008.)

Whenever a comment is posted on a video you've uploaded to YouTube you get an email notification. Every now and again someone watches this one in particular and decides to comment and I just have to laugh at the things people say.

For instance, a few months ago I got this one:
i no u call that trying to break a record dum bi@#$

Clearly my attempt was very upsetting.

Just a few days ago I received this one:
yo I wached rob and big's epesode it was slot better

Really? It was more fun watching a 316 pound man with a wonky eye try to break the record on MTV than it was watching me, alone in my kitchen, on a day when I called in "sick"? I never would have guessed. Thanks for clearing that up for me.

Conversation(s) of the Day

I realize that my blog has been reduced to conversations of the day that no one thinks are funny besides me, but I associate with really funny people and just can't help posting them.

Today was an exceptional day of conversing.

#1: With a (girl) friend at church.
L: You look good today! And can I just say...you have GREAT boobs.
[She bends down to get a drink like it's no big deal while I stare dumbfounded.]
Me: Oh! Okay...thanks!
L: I've wanted to tell you before, but we weren't good enough friends...and then I thought I'd just say it because it's not creepy.
Me: Not creepy at all. And that is the best thing anyone has said to me in a long time.

#2: At Sunday dinner.
Me: He is only friends with girls.
Jared: Ooooh...is he gay?
Me: Not that I know of.
Jared: Yeah...you're going to want to ask that question up front.

#3: Again, at Sunday dinner after Jared cringed when I called someone a douchebag.
Me: Would it make you feel better if I said "d-bag" instead?
Farah: Or "DB". That's what I say at work.
Me: Oh, is that the more professional usage of the word?
Farah: Yes, I use "DB" in professional settings.

On the bus today...

...the crazy lady dressed in black was back. And in rare form. If I was wondering whether or not crazy people had stopped riding the bus, I got my answer this evening.

I was on the phone with Scott when I picked my seat in the back and sat down. I glanced around and noticed her sitting two rows in front of me - garbage bag already in place on the seat. I tried to continue my conversation, but after she started yelling sporadically I couldn't concentrate on both things at once. Plus, once I realized what she was saying I decided I didn't want to do anything that might draw attention to myself (like talking on the phone, for example).

This time it wasn't a conversation. She just kept repeating the same things over and over. Sometimes in their entirety and sometimes random combinations of the following...

• "I don't hear voices like YOU do." (This was repeated most often.)
  
• "Positive. Affirmed."
• "I kill them myself and don't hear from them anymore!"
• "Reconfirm that I am 'The One' for all communication efforts."
• "You disobey 'The One'?"
• "I give you a command!"

And of course the random bursts of just "KILL!!"

I'm not going to lie, today I was a little more on the frightened side than the amused side.

On Repeat

I can't stop playing Bon Iver's song Skinny Love on repeat.

Maybe it's a reflection of the mood I've found myself in for the last week or so, but I could listen to this all day.

Technology

I love technology this week. It's enabled me to have several delightful conversations with some very funny people I know. A few examples...

Via Instant Messenger (Note: This was mid-afternoon on a weekday.)
D: hey
Me: hey there
D: you're not at a concert right now are you?
Me: not at the moment.
D: okay good. when you went to Hawaii what island did you stay on?

Via Phone at Work
C: blah, blah, work talk, blah, blah
Me: Okay (spoken while holding my water bottle near my mouth resulting in an echo)
C: Wait, are you in the bathroom right now?
Me: Yeah, I'm in the bathroom and I've got you on my cell. You called my DESK phone.

Via Email (Portions of the email chain that went back and forth most of the day.)
Me: I'm not gonna lie - NKOTB kind of rocked my socks. It was a lot of fun.
Em: Steph, you just said "rocked my socks" about a middle-age boy band. I know you liked it, but let's be careful...ok?
Me: I can't help it - I think I may have actually become a pre-teen girl for those two hours. You'd be embarrassed at how much fun we had.
Em: The saddest thing about me and NKOTB, is that Jonathan was always my favorite...leave it to me to pick the gay one.
Me: I loved Jon too! Although I had a back-up in Joey. They were calling him "Joey Mac" and Donnie "DDub" last night...Ok, now I'm starting to feel ridiculous.
Em: I'm judging you.

Via Text Message
P: I think the New Kids gave me swine flu...

Jagged Nails

This morning I was reprimanded for being a bad blogger. So while I was supposed to be paying attention to an online training this morning, I wrote this little ditty. If I get fired for not knowing how to use that research tool, I blame Cara.

My friend Carlee says that you can tell a lot about a person by the amount of animal hair they have on their clothes. Another friend told me recently that you can tell a lot about a person by looking through their iTunes (PS - That comment was made while looking through my iTunes. I’m pretty sure it wasn’t a good thing. I mean, I have an O-Town CD. And by that I mean two O-Town CDs.)

I think you can tell a lot about a person by their fingernails. Are they: Long? Gnawed down to nubs? Dirty? Professionally manicured? Painted? Neat but bare?

I’m afraid my fingernails are not portraying me accurately today. They’re jagged. Jagged as in some of the edges could do some serious damage if they came in contact with your skin the wrong way.

And I don’t feel like that’s who I am.

I’ve been staring at them for the last few days (usually when I’m supposed to be paying attention in a meeting) and thinking how long they are. So this morning while I was getting ready I couldn’t take it any longer and just clipped them, but there was no filing involved; thus the jagged edges.

But if someone were to make assumptions about me based on my nails they’d be getting the wrong impression. Although, I don’t actually know what jagged-edged nails say about a person – maybe they’re harsh or don’t pay attention to details or they secretly like to cut people. I don’t know. But none of those things describe me.

I’m the type of person who likes polished nails. I would have an acrylic French manicure if it weren’t a waste of money and if I didn’t pretend that I was learning to play the guitar. But would that make me appear high-maintenance? (I like to think I’m not high-maintenance, but I’m sure some might disagree.)

Maybe I should have thought this theory through more carefully…

I guess what I’m saying is that I want to file my nails. And paint them. And I hope that during this lunch meeting I’m attending in two minutes, no one judges me based on the appearance of my jagged nails.

Because I don’t secretly cut people.

Conversation of the Day

After I found the final (missing) piece of Lindsay and Pamela's Friday Night Puzzle Extravaganza under the rug.

L: When I would do puzzles in college my roommates would always steal a piece so they could put the last one in. It drove me crazy.
S: Umm...Linds....
[Hangs her head in mock shame.]
L: I know! I know!....But I'll have you know I was VERY popular in college!

For the record, there is nothing wrong with loving puzzles.

The Root Canal

I've had a toothache off and on since December. I visited the dentist before my cruise in February in an attempt to avoid some sort of emergency procedure in the Dominican Republic.

His advice: Brush with sensitive toothpaste.

So I did. Thankfully there were no emergency procedures necessary on the trip (except the one to loosen the death-grip on the ice cream cone in my hand) but when the mini-tube of toothpaste he gave me was gone and the pain was not, I began to question his judgment.

I ignored it until a few weeks ago when the pain hit an all time high. My upper and lower jaw were throbbing constantly and there were nights when I contemplated removing the tooth myself. Since the dentist hadn't seen anything wrong before, I thought maybe it was all in my head - because that's a normal assumption. I finally decided to have him check it out again. He still was unsure that something was wrong, but sent me to a specialist anyway.

During my visit to the specialist, he did a cold test. He put something that he claimed was "super cold" against a normal tooth - I felt the pain immediately and it went away as soon as he removed it. He then touched the tooth in question. And held it there. And I felt nothing. They took another x-ray and when he came back into the room he said, “Yeah….Stephanie, your tooth is dead. And that extreme pain you were experiencing was its death.” Awesome.

So the date was set and today I went in for my first (and hopefully last) root canal. And I survived.

This is the face of a girl with a pain-free tooth.
I was a little nervous going into it, but I felt NOTHING. Not even the shot when he was numbing my mouth. It was actually more comfortable than most fillings I've had. My mouth was no longer numb after just a couple hours, there was no drooling involved and I'm as good as new!

The strangest part was the "rubber dam" they used. Essentially they poke the tooth they are working on through the rubber so all of the dust and whatnot stays on the outside and they don't have to keep suctioning out your mouth, etc.
Strange, but kind of brilliant.

The best part was hearing the Dr. use the words "homies" and "peeps" in a sentence to his assistant. Nothing like a little awkward white man to top off a root canal.

My Afternoon

An afternoon of WFH'ing it. I love when the "office" closes at 3pm.

Thumbs Down

I don't know if you've noticed, but my blog is a victim of neglect.

I'm not sure what happened, but I just don't have any posts in me. And no Tweets either. Lately my heart belongs only to the Facebook status update.

Am I just not observing my surroundings the way I usually do? Is the world no longer funny? Have crazy people stopped riding the bus?

I don't know. But whatever is going on, I intend to fix it.