sick.

I'm sick.
I somehow escaped the plague that inflicted my roommate not once, but twice (maybe even three times) and yet my body just couldn't handle going from 50 degree weather to getting all kinds of sweaty in the near 100 degree heat last weekend. By Sunday night my throat was on fire, which I attributed to all the second hand smoke I had been inhaling all weekend, but by Monday evening when I was back in Seattle and felt as though I had been hit by a truck, I had to admit defeat.
I was sick.

So, for the past three days I've been locked up in this house doing whatever it is you do when you're sick. Here are a few observations/thoughts:

• I hate blowing my nose. I have no idea why, but it's a fact. Today I have filled an entire waste basket with tissues. So yeah, I pretty much hate life right now.
• In related news, I now understand why people want tissues with aloe. TOTALLY GET IT.
• I've reacquainted myself with my very girlie collection of DVDs. So far I have watched:
• Tangled
• She's the Man (much more funny when watched with any member of my family)
• Pride & Prejudice (the new version and this Mr. Darcy is slowly growing on me)
• Fools Rush In (I can still quote nearly the entire thing)
• You've Got Mail (also very quotable)
• And right now I'm in the middle of The Notebook (I fast forward through the old people parts) and next up is Sense and Sensibility.
• A person can only live on OJ, toast and Popsicles for so long.
• NyQuil doesn't knock me out. In fact, every night that I've taken it I've woken up in the middle of the night (usually due to a coughing fit) and end up lying there wide awake.
• Cough attacks in the middle of the night are the worst.
• Sleeping slightly propped up to avoid a coughing fit is tied for the worst. Who wants to sleep on their back all night? Not me.
• I've gotten roughly 11 hours of sleep a night for the past three nights. And yet I can still take a mid-day nap. SLEEPING CHAMPION.
•  I've showered two of the three days I've been home sick. I feel like I should get an award for that.
• One roommate currently has a burning throat. It all downhill for her from here. I feel guilt.
• I have to fall asleep every night with a cough drop in my mouth. Bless whoever invented these things.
• I just realized that my cough drops have motivational quotes on the wrapper and now I'm totally inspired:
• Nothing you can't handle.
• Go for it.
• You can do it and you know it.
• Buckle down and push forth!
• Put your game face on.

Oh, my game face is on. And tomorrow I'm going to will myself back into health.
I'll let you know how that goes.

conversation of the day.

SS: and are you moving to socal?
Me: nope. not moving.
SS: is that good that you aren't moving?
Me: i could go if i wanted. i just decided that LA isn't really my style.
SS: big glasses and tanning isn't your style?
SS: since when?

The man has a point.

would you rather...

...spend the weekend in California having your mind blown by live music

OR

spend the weekend in Seattle wearing rain boots?

I know, it's a tough one.

countdown: four days

remember this?

While I'm posting YouTube videos of myself today, why not bring back this gem?

Salt Lake City. Post-5k. Penny whistle. Jig.



That was a really good day. Days like that almost make me want to move back to the SLC.
Almost.

do-do-do

Here are some things you may or may not know about me.

NUMBER ONE
It could be said that I'm shy.
Is shy the right word? Maybe more like utterly-afraid-of-making-a-fool-of-myself-in-any-way.
Or something like that.
So, I have that fear and I often let it rule my life. (Please see Do Hard Things here.)

NUMBER TWO
I like music.
I like to sing in the shower, in my car, while I'm cleaning the house and I wish, nearly every day, that I could sing out loud at my desk at work.
What I don't like to do is sing in front of other people.
(At least not when they're paying attention.)
But I have a couple musically inclined friends that have taken it upon themselves to become my musical cheerleaders and have been trying to get me to sing when I know people are paying attention.
One might even use the word perform.

SU is one of those people. And she's a tricky one.
Oh, hey, I just wrote this new song. Want to hear it? And it just so happens that there is a harmony part. Want to learn that and we can sing it together just for funsies? Did I mention that by "just for funsies" I really meant "on stage at some open mics and possibly even shows I book"?

I mean, that might be a slight exaggeration, but that's basically how it went down.

SU does open mics every week and, in a moment of temporary insanity, I had made a goal for myself to join her on stage within the first two weeks of April. Wednesday became that day. The good news is that I didn't trip, pass out, vomit, stop breathing or mess up the words. In fact, it ended up being a lot of fun and she got some good feedback. She invited me to join her again on Thursday and I figured that while I was feeling brave, I might as well have at it.

When I told people what had happened, one person said, "I need proof". Which is really a legit request considering points #1 and #2 outlined above.

So, I give you The Proof.
For the record, I thought Wednesday went better than Thursday, but alas, Wednesday has no shareable proof.



Who knows? Maybe I'll do it again.

winds of change.

The winds of change are blowing in my life. The storm is rolling in, and after it sweeps through it will leave behind a different landscape than the one I've come to know.

People. Comforts. Situations. They're exiting my life, are on the verge of leaving or have rapidly budding desires to leave. Lives are changing for the better, and I can't help but be happy for that. But I also have to remind myself often not to take it personally.

People come and go, right? That's just what they do.
I firmly believe that people are brought into our lives at certain times for a reason. And sometimes, most of the time, they won't stay forever. But if you're like me, you just want them to stay. It's an understatement to say that I have a hard time letting go (which explains a lot experiences I've had).

This has all been weighing on my mind lately, but felt heavier this week.

The internet is a tricky thing. You wander around it's pages, seeking that specific nugget of information you need, or not really seeking anything at all. In one of those moments of aimless wandering I happened upon a photo of someone that used to be very important to me. It was unexpected, stopped me in my tracks and left me feeling like I had been punched in the stomach. I thought about how strange it is that a person can be so very much a part of our lives and then one day we see a photo of them in their new life, a life that has no traces of us, and realize we can't remember the last time we really thought about them. Or maybe not just thought about them, but remembered them.

The other day I was sitting on the bus when I saw a familiar face step on. A few months ago this person was, what I would consider, a staple in my life. A few months ago I would have made my way to the front of the bus so we could chat and laugh away the ride home together. But it's not a few months ago, it's now. So instead I turned up the volume in my headphones and watched the people on the street.

I've been looking through old photo albums this afternoon. (Note to self: don't do that when you're feeling tinges of sadness.) Although it made my heart a little heavy to think about how rarely, if at all, I talk to some of these people, I also felt very blessed to have had them in my life.

I do a lot of my feeling through music. And these recent thoughts and experiences have caused me to put this song on repeat; not because of the exact situation she's describing, but because of the feelings that result from what she's describing.




I don't really have a point. I haven't come out on the other side of these thoughts and feelings with a clearer understanding or a way to wrap this up and put a pretty bow on it. They're just thoughts.

But the winds of change are blowing. I guess I just need to brace myself so that I'll still be standing once they've run their course.